The Invisible Elephants

And now it's morning. Again.

2010-01-31T08:27:00.000-08:00

Augh! I couldn't sleep last night! The house was too empty. But instead of staying up and watching silly Tom Hanks movies like I planned to, I wasted time on the internet looking for pretty photos for my new webstie (coming soon).

almost insignificant

2010-01-31T08:00:00.001-08:00

You know, in the process of writing out little descriptions of all the work I did over the last year and a half, it occurs to me that I haven't wasted my time after all.

I did quite a lot of well-intentioned work. Success or failure, especially in first-year graduate student research projects, is just a minor detail.

Manifestos. Sometimes you need them, but mostly, you don't.

2010-01-31T05:47:00.000-08:00

My new official UC Berkeley website is under construction. Helvetica is such a pretty font, no wonder they made a whole documentary about it.

But anyway, one of my newest projects this year concerns the "digital humanities", which is all very exciting for those of us on the engineering side of things, i.e. those of us who make a living doing stuff. For those on the other side, the humanities folks, it seems to mainly consist of writing long articles, manifestos, and asking searching-sounding questions like "what do we need to do to bring the humanities into the 21st century"?

There's definitely a time and a place for manifestos, guys, but what you really need to do here is hire a bunch of computer scientists and UI designers and let them get to work. Enough with the committes and articles defining what the digital humanities are. There's work to be done, let's do it! End of story.

OMG advisor

2009-08-25T20:54:00.000-07:00

So after a year, one whole year, of being terrified that I wasn't good enough to be in grad school I found myself an advisor just like everybody else. Whew.

I don't think this is the last we'll see of impostor syndrome, but I think I can be less stressed about the future, at the very least.

Also I am extra thrilled, because it's rare to find a PhD advisor with a sense of fashion better than yours.

It seems like a lot, but it's what I want

2009-05-29T22:22:00.000-07:00

Things to do before I die:

1. Write a book that lots of people read and like.
2. Win some sort award for doing/inventing something that advanced a field in some way.
3. Have two children
4. Create something and have people use it
5. Learn about art
6. Live in Europe for some time
7. Learn German, French, Italian (or all three)
8. Make every dessert I’ve ever heard of
9. Create a foundation to advance something I care about
10. Become an expert on a country, a culture, a language, a phenomenon, a field… something useful and exciting.
11. See every enormous open space in the world.

it's real!

2009-03-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

Tumbleweed! It's real! We saw it!Just rolling across the mojave desert, everywhere, all over the place!

I don't know why I'm so excited about this, perhaps it's because I couldn't think of a more perfect symbol of large, deserted spaces if I tried, and then I find out it's actually real, and not just in the Simpsons.

Oh, what a shocking lack of knowledge of American flora. Sorry, I didn't grow up here, and when was the last time anyone saw tumbleweed in California or in Massachusetts anyway?

Awfulsome!

2009-03-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

A longish time ago, when I was very small, I ruined the #19 tooth in the back of my mouth by not brushing it or something (I don't remember, I was very small).

I had to have a root canal, which is pretty awful in itself, but the story doesn't end there. Turns out, this tooth keeps getting infected. Don't know why, but when I'm stressed it gets worse, and when I'm happy, it subsides. Lately, I've been pretty busy. As a result, this:
That great big dark spot you see there was +infection -bone. The bacteria actually ate up the bone. Those were some hardcore bacteria. Oh well.

Everything is ok now, and I'm getting it fixed and re-filled and everything, but for a while there I was carrying around bone-eating bacteria in a hole in my jaw. I still can't decide whether that's awful or awesome.

I ate'n't dead

2009-03-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah ok ok, it's been a while. I been busy with, among other things, the flu, having water all over my old laptop, and a root canal gone horribly wrong. There has also been the overarching busyness of living on a grown-up schedule.

Once you get used to it though, getting up at 6:30... ok, let's be honest 7:00 AM is not so bad, and there is nothing impossible or horrifying about liking mornings while being a CS person. It can be done. It HAS been done.

I still haven't thought of a name for my new laptop, which is identical to my old laptop except that it feels emotionally colder. I don't even know how or why, it just does. The last one was called silver. I miss her, she never sneered at me, and she had a spunky attitude. Suggestions appreciated?

Arizona. Tumbleweed! Really long drives. Being tricked into hiking to the bottom of the grand canyon. So many stories.

2009-01-15T10:36:00.000-08:00

You know that move Amelie? I think I know it by heart.

blue rocks and purple rocks and green rocks and orange rocks!

2009-01-07T12:50:00.000-08:00

The dust has settled and everything is said and done. Happy new year!

Death Valley was ridiculously awesome, although you can see why showers were invented. Being dirty for four days is disgusting. Craters, rocks, salt, and mountains are awesome though, especially when they're all in the same place.

you wouldn't be able to tell just by looking though

2008-12-16T16:13:00.001-08:00

God I better hide my guitar before the Rowdies get here. I don't want to explain why I don't actually play it very much, the strings being broken is just a convenient excuse.

OTOH, they may not notice, given that they are more gorillas than men.

weighing one thing and the other, all things considered

2008-12-14T16:26:00.000-08:00

Things I like:

1. Margaritas

2. Chocolate-covered biscuits

3. Blankets

4. Hot chocolate

5. Toast

6. Sitting inside tents.

Things I dislike:

1. Cold rain

2. Holes in favorite socks

All of these are abundant right now. My conclusion: I have a good life.

so that we don't get there and realize we don't have enough string or something

2008-12-14T16:22:00.000-08:00

I am sitting inside a tent.

Inside an apartment.

Inside a housing complex.

Before you jump to conclusions, let me assure you that everything is ok, I am not awaiting a strange and dreadful thunderstorm, earthquake, or anything of the sort.

I am not even playing house (another extremely plausible scenario).

I am practicing for our NEW YEARS CAMPING TRIP to DEATH VALLEY. WOOO!

Grrrarrr

2008-12-01T23:22:00.000-08:00

The Captain is about to pull off another marvel of sleep-marathonery. No sleep yesterday, double sleep today, the culmination of an entire week's worth of drifting out of synchrony with the day. Thanksgiving break is over, though, and it's just too bad the Stats department isn't open 11pm - 7am. Thus he gives a mighty shudder and resets his sleep schedule. "Watch and learn", he seems to say, "sunlight hath no power over me."

fruit stand, eh?

2008-11-17T12:55:00.001-08:00

I thought it would fade, but no. I don't think I've had a song stuck in my head for this long... ever.

AM I THE ONLY SOUR CHERRY ON YOUR FRUIT STAND?

I am not even sure how much double entendre there is in it.

he would make quite a good school principal though

2008-11-11T21:11:00.000-08:00

Those of you who have seen Yes Minister know this: Humphrey would make a very bad uncle. He would always be scheming, and you'd never get a good birthday present out of him

there are so many of them

2008-11-11T19:29:00.000-08:00

Stairwells, hallways. Dim, lonely corridors. Other forgotten passages between busy places. Sometimes when you walk through them and the wind is blowing just right, you can feel the echoes of all the secrets they were witness to.

it's difficult

2008-11-11T11:06:00.000-08:00

One of the many things we learn as we grow is how to leave behind the things we loved, and how to let them go. And how not to fear that we will never find them again.

Slowly, the memories start to fade, and we remember who we were before the people we loved meant so much that we forgot ourselves.

But at the same time, our eyes are a little wider open, and while we remember, we have not forgotten the things that we became.

2008-11-11T10:30:00.000-08:00

Song of my soul

2008-11-07T14:38:00.000-08:00


New shoes, new shoes,
Red and pink and blue shoes.
Tell me, what would you choose,
If they’d let us buy?
Buckle shoes, bow shoes,
Pretty pointy-toe shoes,
Strappy, cappy low shoes;
Let’s have some to try.
Bright shoes, white shoes,
Dandy-dance-by-night shoes,
Perhaps-a-little-tight shoes,
Like some? So would I.
BUT
Flat shoes, fat shoes,
Stump-along-like-that shoes,
Wipe-them-on-the-mat shoes,
That’s the sort they’ll buy.
Choosing Shoes, by Frida Wolfe

well, would you look at that

2008-11-01T05:00:00.001-07:00

GodDAMN.

Just the way I talk - you can see it, it screams out. He means everything to me.

They're solemn, the moments when you learn these things about yourself.

so grateful

2008-10-31T04:06:00.000-07:00

I had a special moment today. I watched someone who was just a friend turn into someone who was there for me when I needed it.

stay tuned!

2008-10-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

There are many things you should not do while sad, and the stupidest is listening to sad music.

These songs are so good at making tears appear in your eyes in unexpected and embarrassing situations that you must make sure you have a large pair of sunglasses handy to hide behind if you ever do try them in public.

Washington Square - The Counting Crows. (some cities have the same names too... from Dublin to Berkeley...)
The End - The Doors (obviously)
Precious Illusions - Alanis Morisette
Strawberry Swing - Coldplay

And many more to come!

2008-10-29T01:15:00.001-07:00

the roads are covered with a million little molecules.

also the Litte Brother

2008-10-22T22:49:00.001-07:00

You know what's stranger than naked leprechauns? The Antisocial on facebook. Is that a status update? Do you really like Halo? Perhaps it's time to avert our eyes.

especially dipped in melted ice-cream

2008-10-22T09:39:00.001-07:00

Things that I like:

- Swiss cheese

- Mornings

- Any kind of soggy biscuit

- Fast internet

Things that I dislike:

- BART rides.

Perhaps if they provided complimentary soggy biscuits, and wi-fi...

Oh well, chin up, shoulders back. Hey, hey f- you commute.

invisible magic particles that make you sneeze

2008-10-14T20:04:00.001-07:00

All of a sudden, I am looking forward to November. Hopefully, all of this damn pollen or whatever will be gone by then. I can't stay indoors happy on Tylenol and Claritin forever.

finally, a reliable indicator!

2008-10-06T20:15:00.001-07:00

This algorithm works - obviously it works. Look, I just coded it up and it works.

You want me to show you a proof? Who the hell do you think you are? I'm an engineer. We don't prove things!

but sunshine is always good too

2008-10-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

This is why I love clock towers

I'll take the rain

2008-10-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

There is something so enchanting about heavy rainclouds, even when paired with walls with graffiti on them.

My god, the hippies. They are so old.

2008-10-02T13:33:00.000-07:00

Why are you pointing this sign at a row of chinese restaurants?

I had a really horrible time for four years

2008-10-02T13:28:00.000-07:00

Why would you want anyone else to know this? Also, why is this part of an inspirational campaign?

la la la la!!!!

2008-09-29T13:04:00.001-07:00

I take sudden, violent likings to songs. And whenever I hear a song I suddenly really like, I feel like shouting it in all caps in emails and/or instant messages/facebook status messages to everyone I know.

So, instead:

Vi sitter här i venten och spelar lite DotA!

best eaten with a little bit of lime

2008-09-27T16:41:00.001-07:00

So. It's september, the end of. And it's 90 degrees out, at five in the evening. What. The. Hell. If we had gone out on the salt flats today, we would have been two very tasty salt, fried, indians.

I'm in the clear so far

2008-09-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

Every time I send a text message to the Cuddliest Elephant, I am simply terrified that I accidentally sent it to someone else. I do not ever want to be in a situation where I have to explain "Aren't you the sweetest thing?" to, for example, his little brother.

I think cafes are cute

2008-09-25T11:21:00.001-07:00

Apparently, there is not a single coffee machine in this building. Does anyone else find this absurd? We need the most coffee! You know, for thinking?

On the other hand, there are cafes spilling out of every nook and cranny.

they are also horribly ugly

2008-09-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

I need to get better at organizing my purse. Right now, every time I pull out my iPod, all my files of papers rise up and cascade out onto the floor, making everyone in my office laugh at me.

Why not a backpack? Well, that would be too practical. Also, that they shift my center of gravity so far back, so I am in constant danger of simply toppling over backwards.

white balance, hell yeah.

2008-09-18T20:39:00.001-07:00

My camera gets here today!

Now I'm really excited about taking that walk on the salt flats, so I can take long lonely pictures of that strange red, watery landscape.

hello, are you a figment of my imagination?

2008-09-18T20:39:00.000-07:00

What is it with the BART and seeing people you know are on the other side of the country?

A few days ago I thought I saw The Rose, and today I sat in front of someone I could swear was The White Russian.

How much of it is wishful thinking, and how much of it is friends mysteriously appearing on the same train as me, and not bothering to call ahead?

I don't care if he was Michael Corleone

2008-09-12T00:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, for the record, the Chef's pizza does not taste like cardboard. That honor now belongs to Papa John's whole wheat crust, which no amount of chilli flakes, cheese, or garlic sauce could disguise.

And while I'm complaining about things that are supposed to be good but aren't: what's up with Scarface? Why does everyone like that movie? We watched half of it and stopped because I felt like I was being sexually harassed by oily Cubans the whole time.

next time, we lie

2008-09-10T20:34:00.000-07:00

If there was a book called, 'The art of getting people to give you free t-shirts', I would buy it. There was a whole box of them, I saw it, but it was being guarded. If only A and I had tried intimidation or lying (or actually going to the talk), we'd have been crowned heroines on our return, our arms full of free apparel.

As it was, we came away with internship brochures, and those wonderful transparent pens that everyone seems to love once they get them. And two not-really-whiteboard markers, as a result of which the office whiteboard is now a greyboard.

rocks, trees, people

2008-09-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

The camera still has sand in it (or at least I hope it's just sand). So why now, after 3 years of never using it, ever, am I itching to take photographs of everything?

purple and lacy, too

2008-09-07T17:54:00.000-07:00

Only one thing in life is more embarassing than discovering you own bras several sizes too large for you, and this is having your friends discover this instead, in public.

seagulls vs. mountain lions

2008-09-07T11:51:00.000-07:00

Beaches. Taken alone, they are less fun than mountains. Full of sand, and wet, and yuck, and seagulls trying to steal your sandwiches.

On the other hand, I cannot imagine that a hike party would be as much fun as a beach party. And there is no threat of mountain lions.

maybe I should try flashing him?

2008-09-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out what annoys me about the Captain playing Halo! My living room becomes full of people that aren't really there, but somehow I'm the one who nobody can see, hear, or touch.

hey, it works, ok?

2008-09-04T19:48:00.001-07:00

I have a very pressing need for new, good music, because the downside of storing your memories inside songs is that it's so easy to overwrite them simply by listening to them at the wrong time. Like right now - I think I forgot a whole morning last spring by accidentally listening to Icky Thump. Now it's going to remind me of going home on the BART instead. Psh. Who wants to remember that?

Skin. Hair. Mud.

2008-09-04T19:47:00.001-07:00

How does the inside of a tiny, locked box locker get dusty ? Where does the dust come from?

It has only just occurred to me that perhaps I do not want to know.

yes, but not if you could fly

2008-09-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said for hilliness - the presence of sudden, unexpected, soaring views.

But as J pointed out, this is perhaps negated by the presence of sudden, unexpected, soaring hills.

Proper posture is essential.

2008-09-04T04:54:00.000-07:00

Half an hour of fidgeting, getting up, misplacing highlighters, having to go print things, selecting the appropriate music, and arranging the cushions and laptop just so - that's what it takes to start reading a scientific paper.

Please, or I might forget

2008-09-04T04:24:00.001-07:00

If you see a large, elderly lady wearing the exact same underwear as you in a locker room, what is the appropriate mental response?

"Why does she shop at American Eagle? "

"So, that's what they look like in XXL!"

"Lime green is not a mature color"

Remind me to get rid of all mine before I'm 50.

At least I know now

2008-09-04T04:12:00.000-07:00

The resident drinkmaster has discovered yet another way to waste my precious 3-4 standard liver-bullying credits per week. Lemongrass vodka, muddled with cilantro.

A restaurant did it, so it must be good, right?

Wrong. I am far too easily convinced.

there's no law

2008-09-04T04:08:00.000-07:00

Ok. Is is really such a horrible thing that I enjoyed watching 90210?

No wonder my purse gets so heavy

2008-09-04T04:02:00.000-07:00

A good wallet
A nice pair of sunglasses
Water
A nice bag to carry it in
Shoes
A sandwich
Light clothing
Chapstick
Sunshine
Phone

Hmm. This was originally going to be just: "a good wallet is all you need to have a good day", but, in addition to making zero sense, it's clearly not true.

why? i'm just lazy

2008-09-04T03:58:00.000-07:00

Why is it so difficult to spend three quarters of an hour alone on a train with nothing to do? Perhaps it is because my iPod only has songs I don't like.

Yes, I think that's mostly it.

no, it can't be...

2008-09-04T03:52:00.000-07:00

"Herbs, Spices, Aromatherapy."

Self-righteous little coffee shops

with polka-dot curtains and cane furniture.

The smell of Thai food

over the smell of homeless people.

Alleyways, Institutes,

earnest faces in sweatshirts,

and the dashing young riders of sportbikes.

But it is the bears, not the beavers,

so I must be in California

Such a lack of sunlight

2008-07-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

I can't stay inside all day. Got things to do.